my heart is a cello

hurry wonder

Sat, 25 Sep 2004 20:31:45 GMT

The uproar is cautious
The error absent
This order is frantic
For the marvel you'll send

Fri, 28 May 2004 07:59:11 GMT

a deep hug instead of the kiss i intended to give you.
it didn't quite hit me that you were really leaving.
it was so fast and unreal

i feel it now as i sleep in your bed. alone.

Sun, 16 May 2004 05:35:07 GMT

someone, please, inspire me. challenge me. make me think. make me write. make me make.

i'm tired of writing the same things, thinking the same things. for the love of god!

the hem around us

Thu, 06 May 2004 05:23:39 GMT

you fiend, you friend, you confidant
you hold me against my will
i rummage and sear this hectic step
you climb adrift this boorish racket

it's you, its you
oh come and see
you're ridding me of my plan.

it's you, it's you
oh can't you see
you're ridding me of my plan.

this wire, this mane, this coronet
you hold me against my will
i rummage and sear this furious step
you climb adrift this boorish racket

you and me could ride this fleet
you and me could drive the sea

the city is a million miles away.

Wed, 05 May 2004 00:42:16 GMT

flightsafety

from myrtle beach to detroit. from detroit to new york. from myrtle beach to new york and back again. each city having a place in my heart. each containing specific, defined memories. and an air of emotion.

i hate airplanes. but i love the plight.

Sat, 24 Apr 2004 06:02:56 GMT

the moon was a toenail clipping and it was red like blood...

like my period

an ode

Mon, 19 Apr 2004 23:20:55 GMT

headphones on & all I hear is her.
a faint voice losing the battle
between a piano
& violin.

>>haunting<<

every misplayed note of her performance
sends shivers though out my yearning, raw soul.
the sounds
painting clouds
in my head.

a masterpiece
- including all it's flaws -

is far beyond perfect.

soemoinloveicry

Sat, 27 Mar 2004 19:26:49 GMT

the night starts at 8:30
you forget to bring my hat.
i'm disappointed because i haven't showered
my hair is greasy and gross
and i'm still in my work clothes.

you stroll down the aisles
in a long yellow coat i've never seen before
and that green t-shirt you always wear
(i like that shirt on you)
and probably pants that you spent way too much money on.

we talk awkwardly to aquaintances
rush down 2nd street, hoping we're not too late.

in the dark room with many voices,
we stand in the back corner
leaning against the wall,
sitting on railing that makes my ass go numb.

i feel bad that we didn't get seats.
i feel bad that the movies aren't what you hoped them to be.
i feel bad that we saw too many overpriced low budget films in the span of 2 days.
i'll make it up to you i say

i can't stop looking at you
smiling to myself
telling myself over in my head
how lucky i am

we dance in a gazebo
that overlooks the waterfront of our tiny town
it looks so big from over here
and there's old tyme music
jazzy with a deep raspy voice
drifting across the river
being played just for us.

we sit on a picnic table and hold hands
watching the other side of the world
being in our own
i am so in love right now i think,
and i want to say outloud, but at the right time
but you beat me to it.

i want this night
this moment
to last forever
just me and you
darkness and films
drifting music
dancing gazebos
the happiness inside

our romance will be like a spell cast upon the town when we're around

hitting insert at the beginning of the sentence.

Tue, 23 Mar 2004 02:31:49 GMT

erase all associations with this name. do not think this is the person you think it is. because this journal will no longer be a person. instead, it is the beauty and simplicity of things. the only ties will be indirect and underlying.

reasons for this. we are all made of strings at some point. mine were cut a long time ago when i realized i could love someone with no strings attached. this is beauty now. it is so inspiring that i can not create sometimes because i am so overwhelmed. what you saw before was hatred. and i'm tired of creating out of hate.

this was created out of love. after a refreshing afternoon with a friend i wish i saw more.

don't want to think of the day, when every day becomes every other day.

Tue, 13 Jan 2004 11:58:56 GMT

i only see you in the winter. i didn't want to talk to you tonight because i knew it would be awkward. but i would have regretted it if i didn't.

your music didn't move me. whether you did or didn't write a single line with me in mind. you were someplace else. i can't say you changed because i never really knew the true you.

i made you to be so beautiful.
but i knew things would eventually fade....

& later, i was glad i came over. i wanted to tell you so much that i can't wait for you to wake up so i can finish. it was comfortable and meaningful, although some topics were silly. i want to know all about you. i want to share things with you that i've never shared with anyone else. i told you things that i've only thought or written privately because i was too scared to say them or worried what people would think or that they just wouldn't care. i could lay in bed with you for hours and hours again and again just talking.

and now you're talking in your sleep. and i'm wide awake. smiling.

i want to see you in the morning. hug you while you're yawning.

Sun, 14 Dec 2003 16:37:29 GMT

things are going so well right now. i don't want to fuck anything up. i don't want to get hurt. i'm scared honestly. i don't want to be. but i've been so use to being defensive, to taking things to heart, to over analysizing things. i don't want to be this way with her. i just want to forget about every past relationship and start off fresh. no more associations with anything from the past. i want to start all over where songs take on new meanings. places produce new memories. and intimate encounters feel like the very first time each time. i want this to be the best feeling in the world.... for both of us.

get out on the dance floor let the party begin

Fri, 28 Nov 2003 19:15:46 GMT

we'll come in at all hours & we'll crawl into bed
to the beat of desire we move & spin

i'm lonely tonight. a silent freedom to find.

rhythm & blues this one's for you.

i'm not scared to fight fire with fire. i'll burn my bridges down

Mon, 24 Nov 2003 16:27:14 GMT

it's been a long time since i've gone to a show to see a band i've never heard of and be completely taken over by them. to be exact, the last band that did that was des_ark. to see them execute elements that play in my head. this is what i've been looking for.

it happened last night.

this morning i went into the living room to put their cd in the cd player, and i had a flasback of last winter/spring. the days of listening to rainer maria, although this band is nothing like rainer maria (well their voices could compare), and the time i was going through then.

i read through the lyrics and they were strikingly similar to the first band i ever fell completely for.

oh god. this could be bad.

oo la la

Fri, 21 Nov 2003 00:19:33 GMT

oh how she takes my hat off my head and wears it around. i'm not really sure who it looks better on, but all i know is that i would rather have messy hair in public if it means for her to smile that way at me.

and there she was again! i so should have taken advantage of the first oppurtunity. when it wouldn't have been so awkward, but no! i got so shy around her and the only thing i could say to her was "here" as i gave her a flyer to a show that she will probably not go to. *sigh* she reminds me so much of a girl from new york. the same hair style, the same body type, the same cute disposition that attracted me to her in the first place.

fuck i have to go meet up with myrtle beach. this entry will continue later....

i'm the ball you wrap your yarn around. i'm the shoulder you put your arm around

Sun, 16 Nov 2003 23:33:37 GMT

as my confidence in myself rises, i'm beginning to see people for who they really are. and how i've been investing in all the wrong things.

i re-evaluated my friendships and separated them into two groups. i learned a lot about my friends this weekend. and i learned a lot about strangers that have now become my friends. the weekend was total bonding for me. agreements and disagreements but all with valid points. mostly.

i totally understand why certain things happen. why people do the things they do. i may or may not respect the decisions people make, but in all reality, i can see their motives. not only figuring other people out, but myself as well. well maybe not exactly figuring myself out, but more like being comfortable with myself. putting to action the advice of someone who truly cherishes life and all the things that make her happy.

oh the people you will meet. oh the places you will go.

this is how we'd fall in love

Mon, 10 Nov 2003 00:16:57 GMT

we could sit on the floor listening to nina nastasia, concentrating on making perfect strokes on our dirty canvas. we'd get paint on our clothes and you'd smile at me when i get paint on my face and don't know it. and i'd smile that stupid little grin of mine

and we'd fall in love.

happy now

Tue, 04 Nov 2003 19:57:11 GMT

its the 4th of november and i have my window rolled down yet i'm still sweating like crazy. driving down market street, the leaves are still green. i'm sitting at the cafe. it's raining and a thin layer of clouds covered the sun. i looked directly at it, confused, thinking it was the moon.

the girl next to me in my art class said this to me today:
"i've noticed that ever since you broke up with that person, you seem happier."

and i thought about it later, and i am happy.

whatever words i say, i will always love you

Mon, 03 Nov 2003 07:25:05 GMT

i noticed that the moon grew bigger and was tinted orange when i left your house. how quickly things change.

tonight i cried in my car. it hit me like a train. her voice that is. sent shivers all through me. i cried out of beauty, not sadness, although her tone was so sad, i found it beautiful. it's breathtaking how someone can produce such beauty. such emotion. such passion with merely a voice and a guitar. and words that aren't even hers. and words that aren't even words at all. just la la la's.

tonights episode

Sun, 02 Nov 2003 03:36:26 GMT

she loved him, but he couldn't find the words to tell her. so he bought her a dozen roses, yet that wasn't good enough. he sang her a song in which he confessed his love making her swoon. tonight would be the night. the night of passion and love. but she was like me in way. needing confirmation, affirmation, and privacy. she turned him away thinking his love was false. he ran off in a rage, and was followed outside by a girl. a girl who he took back to his house. she asked him to play a song. you can guess what song he played. the night of passion turned into a night of guilt and desperation.

the next day she approached him asking why he never returned her calls. and then his girlfriend came, asking for forgiveness of her actions, wanting another chance. she hugged him, and he told her he loved her for the first time. but it was a lie. and full of guilt and regret.

thats what happened on degrassi tonight.

she says i act like a middle aged man having a mid life crisis

Sat, 01 Nov 2003 07:42:49 GMT

i'm so angry that i put my thermal underwear in the dryer. not only were they size 8-10 in little boys, but now they have shrunk and barely go past my knees.

i wish i could be pinocchio for halloween. or a marionette.

today is my rebirth. and i am feeling good.